Post Father's Day reflections

I had the best Father's Day yesterday.

I woke up to my Jonas waking me up by getting really close to my face and whispering (and he was very excited) to me "Happy Father's Day dad!" My wife took the kids and went downstairs and let me lay in bed for a few minutes while she got some things ready for me. Jonas then yelled for me to come downstairs. They had cards and gifts on the table for me. They got me Pop It's (those little white pouches that pop when you throw them on the ground), a bag of Sweet Tarts, a Master Splinter Lego mini figure key chain, two front row tickets to go see Bill Maher in two weeks and a heart made out of red Lego pieces with a fire man mini figure on it with DAD spelled out in green dot blocks. I'll be honest, that made me tear up.

My wife then went out to an awesome bakery by our house and got me some breakfast and then went to Dunkin Donuts and got me a frozen Arnold Palmer. I watched Field Of Dreams with my kids, which is going to be my yearly tradition. We then went out to lunch at a grilled cheese restaurant and went to Walmart, Dicks and Targets for some stuff for our backyard and some stuff for my wife. We came back home and played in the backyard for a few hours and then ordered pizza for dinner. After the kids went to bed, I watched the season finale of Game Of Thrones and went to bed with my wife and watched some TV with her.

I thought a lot about being a father yesterday. My father was never around, my grandfather died before I was born, my step father and I never got along  and my brother and I were never close (he is 16 years older than me) and he has become a bad father as well, so my father figures as well as my examples on how to be a good father were nonexistent or negative. I never really wanted to be a father. It was never something that was on my to do list. I didn't know how to be a father and I still don't really know how to do this. I am extremely thankful for those other men who I am friends with who are fathers that I have been able to lean on for support and answers and also just to observe. They have helped more than they will ever know. I sometimes think that I am failing or doing a poor job as a dad but then when I have a day like yesterday, and how my wife and kids were so happy to give me that day, I guess I can't be doing that bad of a job. Being a father has to be the only job you can have where you can have no experience and no training, fail and screw up on a daily basis and still be considered good at your job.